a thousand miles seems pretty far but they've got trains and planes and cars.

hello.

it's been ages again because i'm crappy at blogging and i only have 17 followers here ehehe.

i've not been up to very much. i'm shitting a house about my driving test and exam results. but more importantly i've been thinking and over thinking a million situations in my life- usually trivial things, until my brain hurts and my dreams have to take over. :|

i don't like life at the moment. not because i'm sad or because things aren't good. but because i don't feel comfortable. i'm not very comfortable with any aspect of my life completely. there's always some kind of hindrance, or just a general problem which prevents life running smoothly. okay okay, i know it's just 'life' and it's got it's ups and downs right? but i mean, it's not like that. i don't feel like i'm going anywhere. the paths i lay out for myself i'm just too pussy to go down, or i'll make excuses so that i don't have to take the first step. this usually results in my mundane life, in which i repeat the same routine of denial, regret and procrastination day in, day out.

fed uppppp bro.

i'd walk to you if i had no other way.

if i ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe, say you will..

good evening blogger :)

i'm not sure of the exact reason that i'm blogging at 1am, but that's okay because i'm in the 'zone'.

over the past few days i think i've learnt more about myself than in a long long time.

i think i'm finally starting to accept the situation as it is. people are going to be utter wankers, but the ones that mean the most will make sure they remain in your life, no matter what.

i think all of the effort i have been putting into relationships isn't necessary for the ones that really do matter. because that's what the perfect relationship should be right? effortless.

i mean i'm not saying it should be easy, it's never easy. but i've come to realise that all of the most important people will never ever judge you. no matter what you say or do. and amidst all of the worrying and effort i've been putting into some relationships, i seem to have forgotten that the most precious people in my life are the ones that are always there, and always love me, no matter what the circumstances.

so for those of you who read my blog, or who play an active part in my life, i just wanted to say thank you. in fact, even if you don't read my blog, i just like to get it out.

i'm probably one of the hardest people to understand, i'll only ever give you half the story, and then the other half you'll have to just 'get'. and it's those people that 'get' me, and are patient with me every single day that i could not live without.

while walking around bristol, i came to realise that there really are bigger things than meet the eye. and although life throws a million fucking problems at us (usually all at once), tomorrow will always be better, and brighter, and sunnier, and if not? the day after that will be.

i'm really determined now, more than ever, to make something of myself. if i could even change ONE person's life, maybe just in the smallest of ways, that will be enough for me.

i want to make a difference. a real difference. to anyone, or everyone.

i'm ready. so c'mon world, throw this shit at me. i'm ready for anything.

:) it's been a great couple of days.

kat.

it must have been for a cause our lives have so many doors.

i never knew that everything was falling through

over my head - the fray.

afternoon.

i've revamped my blog so hopefully a lot more posting will occur within the coming few weeks, as and when i need an outlet.

i've been thinking and over thinking in the last few days. as usual. i'm not in a bad mood, i'm just mellow. surprisingly, considering it's the half term, i think this is the first time i haven't got really excited about who i'm seeing or what i'm doing. i'm tired of most of the people in my life, who tend to either just make snap judgements, or dip in and out of my life at their discretion. instead this half term has been pretty self reflective so far.

i've been pondering over university prospectus' and pretty much the 'goals' in my life again. which probably isn't the best idea because that always makes me feel like an idiot for not working and being a fuckwit while everyone works their asses off.

saying that, i'm so excited for university and for driving (i finally booked my test!). i can't wait to be able to escape. i just want to live every moment to the complete maximum. i'm fed up of dwelling on situations, i just want someone to spend every moment with, stand by my side through everything y'know.

i've got some amazing friends. there's only a few, but they're beautiful. i think i need to start living for these moments rather than waiting for things to change.

and yet while i sit here blogging away, i can't help thinking that something's missing. :( i hope this feeling doesn't last long. fuckfuckfuck.

kat.

'what if you should decide that you don't want me there in your life?'

the great indoors

no one really ever wins, in heartbreak warfare. - john mayer.

ohhai there. i know i haven't blogged in a while, i've been too busy being a miserable fuckwit.

it's been a damn good day actually. finally got my eyebrows waxed because they were frustrating me, actually managed to get a tiny bit of work done, and stayed at ali's last night which was lovely AND i didn't have to get up early this morning tehe.

i've been thinking lately about life, like the deep rooted fucker i am, and i've come to the conclusion that i need to take it easy. i swear i put pressure upon myself and it wasn't until it all fell down on me at once, that i realised that i wasn't making any attempts to hold anything up at all.

i'm really fucking thankful for everything and everyone in my life. friends, family, everything. i really do appreciate all the things i have around me, when there are people who literally have nothing. having a chat with mummy this weekend made me realise just how much time i don't spend at home, spend working, or spend actually getting to know my friends, rather than just preaching about how great we are.

i'm really going to make an effort to try to understand people more, make sure i have a fucking good time, and stop taking things so seriously. i mean, afterall, life's too short right?

have a lovely week guys, i know i'm going to. :)

kat.

because there's everything to risk, with this.

the title lyrics are from a song i'm currently writing called 'the risk'. i'll post the lyrics when i'm finished writing it.

hi guys. :)

at the moment i'm struggling with this whole work business.

i know that you can call it procrastination and every teen is doing it. but i genuinely do care about my grades, and somehow i just CANNOT do the work. i cannot even get up i'm so unmotivated, all i want to do it write music and play and talk to friends. it's awful.

i need to get over this seriously because it's going to kill me.

i've got two days left of the holidays and i've not done a thing. not only are my lecturers going to be mad, but i'm never going to get into any uni's at this rate.

but no fucks given because beth's coming around later and so we can forget our failed lives for atleast a few hours.

happy easter everyonneeee. :')

kat.

everyone asked me 'who the hell is she?'

lol sorry, listening to mcfly :|

wow.

SHE'S JUST A LONER WITH A SEXY ATTITUDE. yup datz me.

so hellooo. i'm bored as hell.

i've done absolutely nothing in terms of college work, which is always promising considering the entry requirements for my desired universities are a's. yup well done kat.

but it's all good because i'm going out tomorrow night with a few of my favourites.

love my life at the moment. it's sunny, it's happy, it's all fucking good man.

lolololol what is this post.

i've just got mcfy in the background and now i can't concentrate without jumping on my bed hahhahahahhaahahaha.

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOOOOOO.

have a lovely weekend guys, i hope i will.

ps. i fucking love my friends.

there's a lot going on in my mind at the moment. i think i need a night out.

<3

when will i be more than a novelty to you?

so i'm pretty sure that life itself is difficult to comprehend. not a day passes where i don't wonder why i'm here or what the hell is going on around the globe. but lately i've noticed how much emotions literally control us.

while some people literally don't go deeper than a puddle, there are people with oceans of thoughts and emotions that could snap at any minute.

i think, being a person that is probably a pretty deep thinker, i find it easier to read people than some might, but it just got me thinking how precious people really are. day in day out we see, and speak to the same people right? but who's to say what they're really thinking? for as much thought that i put into my day, 6 billion other people's minds are swimming in that ocean.

to me, that's fucking beautiful, but beyond comprehendible.

i challenge you guys, to just think, and i mean think harder. i challenge you to listen to lyrics, rather than the music. yep, someone wrote that song. each and every one. someone wrote those books. thoughts, spilled.

i fucking love words.

this is the most off the cuff blog post ever.

but i don't even care.

who are we to be emotional? - ellie goulding

oh hi, blogger

to be neglected is a pretty shit thing. so i decided to come back to blogger after a year and continue my life. afterall, this is where i first starting posting.

although i have a tumblr now, i wouldn't count it as a blog. blogspot is probably the only place you can reasonably blog without it turning into a popularity contest so i'm guessing i'll start back here when i need to vent.

wow, i don't believe my posts on here go all the way back to 2009, that's crazy!

but yeah, hello again. and to anyone reading this, old and new, welcome. :-)

there's a lot swimming around in my mind at the moment. new friends, old friends, not friends at all.

there's been a whole lot of new people crashing in at once and yeah, it's freakin' beautiful. i'm not really sure how i can explain it without sounding totally cliche, but i guess it's true that even if someone never really gets you, i think that's sometimes better than if they really really did.

i think i've been spending too much time looking for someone to understand me. i mean, you want that to a degree right? but not so that they can read your every thought. i think the best thing is to have someone that genuinely wants to find out more about you. someone that enjoys discovering who you are WITH you, doing stuff together until you both get to a place where you start to get to know yourself as a person.

i think that's the best thing about my friends so far. they're teaching me that you don't need to understand everything about a person to get along well with them, you just need to have to want to understand those things.

oh, you? hi. i love you, thanks for making my life a damn sight better lately. i think it's pretty hard to find a person that won't screw you over or give up on you at first instant. i also think it's pretty hard to find someone that isn't shallow but doesn't kill you with deepness. i think this is where our journey starts and i can't wait to explore shit with you. i know i say it everytime but i've never met someone like you. and for as many people i've said that to before, i've never meant it as much as i do right now.

so hi there. :) welcome back to my blog. or if you never came before, i hope you're never left just standing in the crowd.

kat. <3

i just thought this was so amazing.

apparently this is what this girl's (that i follow on tumblr) psychologist told her this today.
''He said that the majority of people live with in a box, and that’s their entire reality. All the see is the inside of the box, and they’re ‘asleep’ to anything else. People that have suffered from some form of mental illness are ‘awake’, because they’ve seen reality outside the box. He said no matter how hard people try to put that person back into the box, they will never fit, because they’ve seen something beyond it all.''


i've never had a mental illness, but i feel like this all the god damn time.

kat.

your biggest mistake.

ellie goulding - your biggest mistake.

hello there! :)
totally have new hair! om-gosh.
well, not THAT new, just a little lottle redder. :) i loves it lots.
it's not very obvious in pictures but here you are anyways.


can i just state i live for ellie goulding? okay cool.

anyways, i saw an awesome panda hat in river island, not to replace my koala hat gus, but just generally to add to my animal hat collection, and ellie goulding has one which is pretty rad, SO I WANT IT. :) way not as cool as the tiger one she wore to T4OTB mind.
it's 12 pound though so i'll have to save up because currently i'm too busy paying for hair dye, friend debts for concerts + wasting money to have noticed my fashion so it's kindof taken a back seat. charity shops ftw next month i think.
+ i really want the playsuit from river island + a denim shirt. grr. + a couple tee's from topman + och is lithe letters 'Kk' on it for my name, which is like 18 quid too. omfg, i need more money. you see, i'd get a job but they all hate me + i'm practically unemployable. + also mommy already gives me 100 a month AND pays my 40 quid phone bill, which is awful coz it shouldn't even be that much! :O oops.?
so basically, i'm skint + moaning AGAIN. what's new scooby doo eh?

blah blah blah. today has been boring, i ran around with puppykins for a bit and stroked my rabbit. *dork*

that's my life, a bore. i'm doing a big fat nothing tomorrow either. i should join the gym i'm a right fatty also. i'm totally joining soon, i need to ask mummy. lardypants.

i love the way no one reads this so i can read what i bloody like. infact, does anyone actually read this? comment if you do kk? i wanna see, i get so much bloody spam. >.<

also i saw shrek 4 yesterday and it was totally rad. FYI, totally recommend. way too hyped about toy story too right?

kat.

lets take life, nice and easssssy!

take me to a higher plane - kate nasssh.

NASHER! :) i love kate nash, my life is complete with her music along with others.

SO OMG, my wall! :O hahaha. yesterday, me and shannen stuck a ton of paper on one of my walls and so now you can draw on my wall, it's pretty bare at the moment, but i'm hoping by christmas pretty much all my friends will have contributed to it, what do you say guys? :)the wall so far. :) v plain, but it's cool. :D, getting there. :D
created 12th July 2010.

in other news, me and the akers went on a picnic yesterday to the beach, t'was fun but we got too hot so we came home again and made the wall, after buying a mint milkshake at cafe nero. :o)

tomorrow i'm going to paolo! :D can't wait. i'll let you know how it is. :D

and how do i get rid of my korean COMMENT SPAM? -.-

talking of koreans, i really love their style.
HAHAHA.

'til tomorrow squishies.

kat.

it's like a got no chance at all.

superman - joe brooks.
afternoon sailors. :)once again kat has been a BAD blogger. :( but it's been a few VERY interesting events so, i thought that i would blog about them, considering this way i will be able to remember them always. :)
OCEANFEST'10 along with being a bad blogger i'm also awful when it comes to photography. so i never got ANY photo's of oceanfest, although there are some on their faithful website! :)kat + shan! :)
Broooooks, so HOT! :)
the headline act : magic numbers! 'she don't love me like youuuuu!' - katshan REMIX. ;) haha.


BEACH + SMILEY'S '10
originally supposed to be a beach trip for everyone, not so many people could turn up short notice, so long and behold the trip that came about, and imo was SO much better anyways. :)
the reason i have ears is because gus, my new hat from oceanfest, insisted on coming with me. :)

wayfarer pub, instow. :) smiles char kat + shan. :) sam hadn't arrived yet. :)

was an all round AMAZING time, i don't think i've laughed so much in this long, thanks guys, for a BRILLIANT night. :) JUST DANCE hahahhaa. 'what is this?' 'SPICE GIRLS' 'i'm not SHIMMYING' hahahaha. :) and the jellyfish beach, made me feel sick and crusty. ;)

T4OTB
the crowd when we arrived wasn't EVEN funny, but i loved the atmosphere anyways, so i was willing for the wait. i've never been to t4 before so i guess i wasn't sure what to expect. it was also hard for us to see EVERYTHING because there was SO much we didn't, but apart from that, me and my trusty bestest friend lauren, made our way through the crowds, to the WONDERFUL festival.
the wonderful pixie lott!
the line up included : pixie lott, ellie goulding, jason derrruloooo (which i always have to sing now?), jls, alexandra burke, plan b, example - both i didn't get to see. :(, n dubz, tinchy stryyyyder, taio cruzz, chipmunk, kids in glass houses, diana vickers, NEED I GO ON?!

it was a LOVERLY day and i enjoyed every minute. more pictures on my facebook.

PROM'10 + AFTER PARTY.
i LOVED this night, it really was HILARIOUS, and lovely, if maybe a bit overrun. :) was lovely to see everyone again, and looking so beautiful too. :)

the only one's doing the macarena? haha.

my FAVOURITE people!

what a lovely night we all had, and a lovely way to end school. i'll miss you all..

SO THIS WEEK!
still to come are days out with friends + a visit to see mr paolo nutini at the eden project, i couldn't BE more excited. :)

goodbye for now. :)

kat.

say what you need to say.

say - john mayer.

aaahh well. tbh, i'm alright really. not much to complain about today. gahaa.
john mayer, jack johnson, gavin degraw getting me through my exams tbh. :) soo many! can't wait until oceanfest as a light relief. :) so exciting, if only we SORTED OUT THE CAMPING.
hrmph. i think my favourite thing about looking forward to college is meeting new people. although i love everyone so much, i feel out of place a lot of times. i'm a jagged jigsaw puzzle methinks. :) different sides of me fit diff places. :)

kat.

maybe, i would disappear without you.

pretty eyes - jason reeves.

the blog is back.

not sure why, just had the urge.

okay, so the lowdown is, i'm DYING of stress right now. i actually am bricking it for tomorrow. everyone seems so clever, and confident. everyone seems like they're saying they've done nothing, but they're so calm, which means they must have, right? i'm so scared. :/
i guess i don't need maths or anything, but not even just maths, EVERYTHING is shitting me out about these upcoming two weeks. and i'm stupid stupid stupid to have wasted this week not doing ANY revision. i'm going to have to get my head down foreals now. there's not another option, it's only work that's going to get me through these, not losing touch, not now.

kat.

she's my best friend.

what even is a best friend?
people say it's the person who you lean on when you're sad, or someone who's 'there for you through thick and thin'. i don't think it's any of those.
the dictionary says:

Best friend (or close friend): a person(s) with whom someone shares extremely strong interpersonal ties with as a friend.

yeah. i guess so. but i don't agree with that either.

i don't think that you can actually know what a best friend really is, until you have one. until you know that this one person literally is all you need to get by, and that aslong as they've got your back, everything really is.. easy.

so what happens when a 'best' friend, loses it's 'best', what happens when even 'friend' becomes faint and all you have to reflect on is memories? what happens when you can no longer write your own memories, so you just focus on one's you had in the past?

i've never been very good at talking in person and getting my words out how i want to. so i guess this outlet is my easiest - writing. it's what i'm best at afterall.

when your 'best' friend starts to fade. the answer is this. YOU FUCKING draw over the fucking faded line with your NEW MEMORIES, and you type BEST back in with CAPITAL LETTERS. that's what you do.

lauren, this is my way, of saying that no matter WHERE i am, WHAT i'm doing, or WHO i'm with, you'll still always come first, and i hope i will to. coz i'm your best friend.

this is to lauren.
she's my best friend.

leavers books + old friends.

ohno. we're leaving.

this was the thought that hit me today.
somehow, in the whole leavers assemblies, leavers books, leavers forms etc etc, i forgot what the word LEAVER actually meant. i mean, i'm so pent up hating school atm and being in such a giant grudge i'm not sure i really realise that we're going. like.. foreal. we're GOING.
it's strange, to think in 22 days, i may not see a very large proportion of my year ever again, except of course, in exams. and of course the odd passer by at college.
i'm going to miss it. the class of 2010. i'm gonna miss them all, even the ones that drive me up the wall. :D
there's those friends i'm not worried about leaving, because there'll never be a goodbye. the friends i know that'll always be there. then there's the friends i'll miss, but will adjust to because i never really knew them - a shame in itself. but then there's this group of friends that i'll miss the most. not the closest, just people that i love, that i know probably will be so caught up, we won't arrange to meet or anything. and even if we do, i think i'll miss the school and lesson environment the most. :(

so what're we to do but just wait it out? shame really, that i'm so eager, somehow a little part of me wished i would miss it more. i'm a little bit more sad that i probably.. won't.

kat.

simple times

i loooove joshua radin.

gaah speaking german mock exam tomorrow. the real one is only a week away too. and PE moderation, AND then of course a tonne more exams.

borrrrre.
cinema tomorrow though. happy clappy birthday jessica. i love you. you won't read this. but oh well, thought that counts.
although i'm SKINT. and that makes me angwy. :(

:D loving life other than that..

kat.

because i'm forever lost.

forever lost - the magic numbers.

nahhhh! school tomorrow. *sad*.
oh welll. you see, i wouldn't be overly bothered. but i am. why? because my freaking german oral mock exam is on wednesday. and we don't like those because they are big and scary. :o( haha..
i love ellie goulding. just gonna point that out as i'm listening to her songs.

so my second post since i started this hole 'lets start the blog again' movement.
i haven't much to say i must say. too much exam things buzzing through my head. BAHA i wish, not really. i'm just boring ;)

back to school tomorrow. but as my friend bry's status says, it is only the beginning of the end, as there is little to no school left now, only exam practice for 6 or so weeks, then study leave and school for what? a month? lovely.

so the music title is because magic numbers are so lovely headlining oceanfest this year! this, of course is nothing like the 'YAY' that came with jason mraz. however, it IS a good band, and i'm looking forward to hearing more of them. however, opening for them, or also on the same stage, not sure yet, is JOSHUA RADIN, and i have to say i am a VERY bg joshua radin fan so that's good. :)

well, that's all from me for now. :o)

if you haven't already, listen to all artists mentioned here. especially ellie goulding, she's AMAZING. afterall, she has won a brit before her career has even begun. :o

kat.

everybody stopped.

blogging, that is. so what a better idea than to restart? hello blogspot. i'm back, yes, me. why? because i have things to write. when? now.

so wow. it's been a while. my life in short has been simple. simple happiness, simple fun, simply shit. whatever simple can be, it's been it. but this blog is rarely about what's new, and more what's happened or what i've observed.

i'm just going to state, putting anything about my recent trip to auchwitz in words would be impossible unless you've been there. but to deem something as completely undescribable is 'nuff said methinks. so just go there, or read another review, because i don't think i'd even be able to try to write one that does any justice to it.

i've experienced a lot in the last few weeks. i remember around this time last year, every blog, post or secret was about finding myself. a year on and i'm not really sure that i have. but i've atleas trealised i don't need to anymore. because if i spend my whole life trying to find that, there'll be no time living it. so hello, it's me, i'm kat, and i'm suitabley incomplete.

most importantly, i'm back. so hi, hello, bonjour.

kat.

hey, soul sister.

you know the song. :)

wow. so it appears no one blogs anymore! whatever shall we do? i know, blog? :D
okay so. woah. what isn't there to talk about. i don't think i've ever been so desperate to get out and go somewhere. everything here is eating me alive. i just want to leave. i swear, i'm not going to last these last few months of school without going crazy. it's tedious and HORRIBLE.
the only travelling i do experience seems to be on the train home. home being the annoying word. coz that's where i'll end up. you travel for half an hour, and yous ee the country, and just as you think you're gonna get somewhere you have to get off because it's your stop. then you're driven back home, where everything starts again in just a matter of hours.
i've been tempted just to stay on the trian. to keep going. buy a ticket somewhere. anywhere. never happens. the guts are there, but the willpower isn't.

basically, life is tedious. i'm fed up, and i feel so unconfident lately. but who cares? if you're you, then everythings okay. :)

lots of love,

kat.