she's my best friend.

what even is a best friend?
people say it's the person who you lean on when you're sad, or someone who's 'there for you through thick and thin'. i don't think it's any of those.
the dictionary says:

Best friend (or close friend): a person(s) with whom someone shares extremely strong interpersonal ties with as a friend.

yeah. i guess so. but i don't agree with that either.

i don't think that you can actually know what a best friend really is, until you have one. until you know that this one person literally is all you need to get by, and that aslong as they've got your back, everything really is.. easy.

so what happens when a 'best' friend, loses it's 'best', what happens when even 'friend' becomes faint and all you have to reflect on is memories? what happens when you can no longer write your own memories, so you just focus on one's you had in the past?

i've never been very good at talking in person and getting my words out how i want to. so i guess this outlet is my easiest - writing. it's what i'm best at afterall.

when your 'best' friend starts to fade. the answer is this. YOU FUCKING draw over the fucking faded line with your NEW MEMORIES, and you type BEST back in with CAPITAL LETTERS. that's what you do.

lauren, this is my way, of saying that no matter WHERE i am, WHAT i'm doing, or WHO i'm with, you'll still always come first, and i hope i will to. coz i'm your best friend.

this is to lauren.
she's my best friend.

leavers books + old friends.

ohno. we're leaving.

this was the thought that hit me today.
somehow, in the whole leavers assemblies, leavers books, leavers forms etc etc, i forgot what the word LEAVER actually meant. i mean, i'm so pent up hating school atm and being in such a giant grudge i'm not sure i really realise that we're going. like.. foreal. we're GOING.
it's strange, to think in 22 days, i may not see a very large proportion of my year ever again, except of course, in exams. and of course the odd passer by at college.
i'm going to miss it. the class of 2010. i'm gonna miss them all, even the ones that drive me up the wall. :D
there's those friends i'm not worried about leaving, because there'll never be a goodbye. the friends i know that'll always be there. then there's the friends i'll miss, but will adjust to because i never really knew them - a shame in itself. but then there's this group of friends that i'll miss the most. not the closest, just people that i love, that i know probably will be so caught up, we won't arrange to meet or anything. and even if we do, i think i'll miss the school and lesson environment the most. :(

so what're we to do but just wait it out? shame really, that i'm so eager, somehow a little part of me wished i would miss it more. i'm a little bit more sad that i probably.. won't.

kat.