a thousand miles seems pretty far but they've got trains and planes and cars.

hello.

it's been ages again because i'm crappy at blogging and i only have 17 followers here ehehe.

i've not been up to very much. i'm shitting a house about my driving test and exam results. but more importantly i've been thinking and over thinking a million situations in my life- usually trivial things, until my brain hurts and my dreams have to take over. :|

i don't like life at the moment. not because i'm sad or because things aren't good. but because i don't feel comfortable. i'm not very comfortable with any aspect of my life completely. there's always some kind of hindrance, or just a general problem which prevents life running smoothly. okay okay, i know it's just 'life' and it's got it's ups and downs right? but i mean, it's not like that. i don't feel like i'm going anywhere. the paths i lay out for myself i'm just too pussy to go down, or i'll make excuses so that i don't have to take the first step. this usually results in my mundane life, in which i repeat the same routine of denial, regret and procrastination day in, day out.

fed uppppp bro.

i'd walk to you if i had no other way.

if i ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe, say you will..

good evening blogger :)

i'm not sure of the exact reason that i'm blogging at 1am, but that's okay because i'm in the 'zone'.

over the past few days i think i've learnt more about myself than in a long long time.

i think i'm finally starting to accept the situation as it is. people are going to be utter wankers, but the ones that mean the most will make sure they remain in your life, no matter what.

i think all of the effort i have been putting into relationships isn't necessary for the ones that really do matter. because that's what the perfect relationship should be right? effortless.

i mean i'm not saying it should be easy, it's never easy. but i've come to realise that all of the most important people will never ever judge you. no matter what you say or do. and amidst all of the worrying and effort i've been putting into some relationships, i seem to have forgotten that the most precious people in my life are the ones that are always there, and always love me, no matter what the circumstances.

so for those of you who read my blog, or who play an active part in my life, i just wanted to say thank you. in fact, even if you don't read my blog, i just like to get it out.

i'm probably one of the hardest people to understand, i'll only ever give you half the story, and then the other half you'll have to just 'get'. and it's those people that 'get' me, and are patient with me every single day that i could not live without.

while walking around bristol, i came to realise that there really are bigger things than meet the eye. and although life throws a million fucking problems at us (usually all at once), tomorrow will always be better, and brighter, and sunnier, and if not? the day after that will be.

i'm really determined now, more than ever, to make something of myself. if i could even change ONE person's life, maybe just in the smallest of ways, that will be enough for me.

i want to make a difference. a real difference. to anyone, or everyone.

i'm ready. so c'mon world, throw this shit at me. i'm ready for anything.

:) it's been a great couple of days.

kat.

it must have been for a cause our lives have so many doors.

i never knew that everything was falling through

over my head - the fray.

afternoon.

i've revamped my blog so hopefully a lot more posting will occur within the coming few weeks, as and when i need an outlet.

i've been thinking and over thinking in the last few days. as usual. i'm not in a bad mood, i'm just mellow. surprisingly, considering it's the half term, i think this is the first time i haven't got really excited about who i'm seeing or what i'm doing. i'm tired of most of the people in my life, who tend to either just make snap judgements, or dip in and out of my life at their discretion. instead this half term has been pretty self reflective so far.

i've been pondering over university prospectus' and pretty much the 'goals' in my life again. which probably isn't the best idea because that always makes me feel like an idiot for not working and being a fuckwit while everyone works their asses off.

saying that, i'm so excited for university and for driving (i finally booked my test!). i can't wait to be able to escape. i just want to live every moment to the complete maximum. i'm fed up of dwelling on situations, i just want someone to spend every moment with, stand by my side through everything y'know.

i've got some amazing friends. there's only a few, but they're beautiful. i think i need to start living for these moments rather than waiting for things to change.

and yet while i sit here blogging away, i can't help thinking that something's missing. :( i hope this feeling doesn't last long. fuckfuckfuck.

kat.

'what if you should decide that you don't want me there in your life?'

the great indoors

no one really ever wins, in heartbreak warfare. - john mayer.

ohhai there. i know i haven't blogged in a while, i've been too busy being a miserable fuckwit.

it's been a damn good day actually. finally got my eyebrows waxed because they were frustrating me, actually managed to get a tiny bit of work done, and stayed at ali's last night which was lovely AND i didn't have to get up early this morning tehe.

i've been thinking lately about life, like the deep rooted fucker i am, and i've come to the conclusion that i need to take it easy. i swear i put pressure upon myself and it wasn't until it all fell down on me at once, that i realised that i wasn't making any attempts to hold anything up at all.

i'm really fucking thankful for everything and everyone in my life. friends, family, everything. i really do appreciate all the things i have around me, when there are people who literally have nothing. having a chat with mummy this weekend made me realise just how much time i don't spend at home, spend working, or spend actually getting to know my friends, rather than just preaching about how great we are.

i'm really going to make an effort to try to understand people more, make sure i have a fucking good time, and stop taking things so seriously. i mean, afterall, life's too short right?

have a lovely week guys, i know i'm going to. :)

kat.

because there's everything to risk, with this.

the title lyrics are from a song i'm currently writing called 'the risk'. i'll post the lyrics when i'm finished writing it.

hi guys. :)

at the moment i'm struggling with this whole work business.

i know that you can call it procrastination and every teen is doing it. but i genuinely do care about my grades, and somehow i just CANNOT do the work. i cannot even get up i'm so unmotivated, all i want to do it write music and play and talk to friends. it's awful.

i need to get over this seriously because it's going to kill me.

i've got two days left of the holidays and i've not done a thing. not only are my lecturers going to be mad, but i'm never going to get into any uni's at this rate.

but no fucks given because beth's coming around later and so we can forget our failed lives for atleast a few hours.

happy easter everyonneeee. :')

kat.

everyone asked me 'who the hell is she?'

lol sorry, listening to mcfly :|

wow.

SHE'S JUST A LONER WITH A SEXY ATTITUDE. yup datz me.

so hellooo. i'm bored as hell.

i've done absolutely nothing in terms of college work, which is always promising considering the entry requirements for my desired universities are a's. yup well done kat.

but it's all good because i'm going out tomorrow night with a few of my favourites.

love my life at the moment. it's sunny, it's happy, it's all fucking good man.

lolololol what is this post.

i've just got mcfy in the background and now i can't concentrate without jumping on my bed hahhahahahhaahahaha.

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOOOOOO.

have a lovely weekend guys, i hope i will.

ps. i fucking love my friends.

there's a lot going on in my mind at the moment. i think i need a night out.

<3

when will i be more than a novelty to you?

so i'm pretty sure that life itself is difficult to comprehend. not a day passes where i don't wonder why i'm here or what the hell is going on around the globe. but lately i've noticed how much emotions literally control us.

while some people literally don't go deeper than a puddle, there are people with oceans of thoughts and emotions that could snap at any minute.

i think, being a person that is probably a pretty deep thinker, i find it easier to read people than some might, but it just got me thinking how precious people really are. day in day out we see, and speak to the same people right? but who's to say what they're really thinking? for as much thought that i put into my day, 6 billion other people's minds are swimming in that ocean.

to me, that's fucking beautiful, but beyond comprehendible.

i challenge you guys, to just think, and i mean think harder. i challenge you to listen to lyrics, rather than the music. yep, someone wrote that song. each and every one. someone wrote those books. thoughts, spilled.

i fucking love words.

this is the most off the cuff blog post ever.

but i don't even care.

who are we to be emotional? - ellie goulding

oh hi, blogger

to be neglected is a pretty shit thing. so i decided to come back to blogger after a year and continue my life. afterall, this is where i first starting posting.

although i have a tumblr now, i wouldn't count it as a blog. blogspot is probably the only place you can reasonably blog without it turning into a popularity contest so i'm guessing i'll start back here when i need to vent.

wow, i don't believe my posts on here go all the way back to 2009, that's crazy!

but yeah, hello again. and to anyone reading this, old and new, welcome. :-)

there's a lot swimming around in my mind at the moment. new friends, old friends, not friends at all.

there's been a whole lot of new people crashing in at once and yeah, it's freakin' beautiful. i'm not really sure how i can explain it without sounding totally cliche, but i guess it's true that even if someone never really gets you, i think that's sometimes better than if they really really did.

i think i've been spending too much time looking for someone to understand me. i mean, you want that to a degree right? but not so that they can read your every thought. i think the best thing is to have someone that genuinely wants to find out more about you. someone that enjoys discovering who you are WITH you, doing stuff together until you both get to a place where you start to get to know yourself as a person.

i think that's the best thing about my friends so far. they're teaching me that you don't need to understand everything about a person to get along well with them, you just need to have to want to understand those things.

oh, you? hi. i love you, thanks for making my life a damn sight better lately. i think it's pretty hard to find a person that won't screw you over or give up on you at first instant. i also think it's pretty hard to find someone that isn't shallow but doesn't kill you with deepness. i think this is where our journey starts and i can't wait to explore shit with you. i know i say it everytime but i've never met someone like you. and for as many people i've said that to before, i've never meant it as much as i do right now.

so hi there. :) welcome back to my blog. or if you never came before, i hope you're never left just standing in the crowd.

kat. <3