maybe, i would disappear without you.

pretty eyes - jason reeves.

the blog is back.

not sure why, just had the urge.

okay, so the lowdown is, i'm DYING of stress right now. i actually am bricking it for tomorrow. everyone seems so clever, and confident. everyone seems like they're saying they've done nothing, but they're so calm, which means they must have, right? i'm so scared. :/
i guess i don't need maths or anything, but not even just maths, EVERYTHING is shitting me out about these upcoming two weeks. and i'm stupid stupid stupid to have wasted this week not doing ANY revision. i'm going to have to get my head down foreals now. there's not another option, it's only work that's going to get me through these, not losing touch, not now.

kat.

she's my best friend.

what even is a best friend?
people say it's the person who you lean on when you're sad, or someone who's 'there for you through thick and thin'. i don't think it's any of those.
the dictionary says:

Best friend (or close friend): a person(s) with whom someone shares extremely strong interpersonal ties with as a friend.

yeah. i guess so. but i don't agree with that either.

i don't think that you can actually know what a best friend really is, until you have one. until you know that this one person literally is all you need to get by, and that aslong as they've got your back, everything really is.. easy.

so what happens when a 'best' friend, loses it's 'best', what happens when even 'friend' becomes faint and all you have to reflect on is memories? what happens when you can no longer write your own memories, so you just focus on one's you had in the past?

i've never been very good at talking in person and getting my words out how i want to. so i guess this outlet is my easiest - writing. it's what i'm best at afterall.

when your 'best' friend starts to fade. the answer is this. YOU FUCKING draw over the fucking faded line with your NEW MEMORIES, and you type BEST back in with CAPITAL LETTERS. that's what you do.

lauren, this is my way, of saying that no matter WHERE i am, WHAT i'm doing, or WHO i'm with, you'll still always come first, and i hope i will to. coz i'm your best friend.

this is to lauren.
she's my best friend.

leavers books + old friends.

ohno. we're leaving.

this was the thought that hit me today.
somehow, in the whole leavers assemblies, leavers books, leavers forms etc etc, i forgot what the word LEAVER actually meant. i mean, i'm so pent up hating school atm and being in such a giant grudge i'm not sure i really realise that we're going. like.. foreal. we're GOING.
it's strange, to think in 22 days, i may not see a very large proportion of my year ever again, except of course, in exams. and of course the odd passer by at college.
i'm going to miss it. the class of 2010. i'm gonna miss them all, even the ones that drive me up the wall. :D
there's those friends i'm not worried about leaving, because there'll never be a goodbye. the friends i know that'll always be there. then there's the friends i'll miss, but will adjust to because i never really knew them - a shame in itself. but then there's this group of friends that i'll miss the most. not the closest, just people that i love, that i know probably will be so caught up, we won't arrange to meet or anything. and even if we do, i think i'll miss the school and lesson environment the most. :(

so what're we to do but just wait it out? shame really, that i'm so eager, somehow a little part of me wished i would miss it more. i'm a little bit more sad that i probably.. won't.

kat.

simple times

i loooove joshua radin.

gaah speaking german mock exam tomorrow. the real one is only a week away too. and PE moderation, AND then of course a tonne more exams.

borrrrre.
cinema tomorrow though. happy clappy birthday jessica. i love you. you won't read this. but oh well, thought that counts.
although i'm SKINT. and that makes me angwy. :(

:D loving life other than that..

kat.

because i'm forever lost.

forever lost - the magic numbers.

nahhhh! school tomorrow. *sad*.
oh welll. you see, i wouldn't be overly bothered. but i am. why? because my freaking german oral mock exam is on wednesday. and we don't like those because they are big and scary. :o( haha..
i love ellie goulding. just gonna point that out as i'm listening to her songs.

so my second post since i started this hole 'lets start the blog again' movement.
i haven't much to say i must say. too much exam things buzzing through my head. BAHA i wish, not really. i'm just boring ;)

back to school tomorrow. but as my friend bry's status says, it is only the beginning of the end, as there is little to no school left now, only exam practice for 6 or so weeks, then study leave and school for what? a month? lovely.

so the music title is because magic numbers are so lovely headlining oceanfest this year! this, of course is nothing like the 'YAY' that came with jason mraz. however, it IS a good band, and i'm looking forward to hearing more of them. however, opening for them, or also on the same stage, not sure yet, is JOSHUA RADIN, and i have to say i am a VERY bg joshua radin fan so that's good. :)

well, that's all from me for now. :o)

if you haven't already, listen to all artists mentioned here. especially ellie goulding, she's AMAZING. afterall, she has won a brit before her career has even begun. :o

kat.

everybody stopped.

blogging, that is. so what a better idea than to restart? hello blogspot. i'm back, yes, me. why? because i have things to write. when? now.

so wow. it's been a while. my life in short has been simple. simple happiness, simple fun, simply shit. whatever simple can be, it's been it. but this blog is rarely about what's new, and more what's happened or what i've observed.

i'm just going to state, putting anything about my recent trip to auchwitz in words would be impossible unless you've been there. but to deem something as completely undescribable is 'nuff said methinks. so just go there, or read another review, because i don't think i'd even be able to try to write one that does any justice to it.

i've experienced a lot in the last few weeks. i remember around this time last year, every blog, post or secret was about finding myself. a year on and i'm not really sure that i have. but i've atleas trealised i don't need to anymore. because if i spend my whole life trying to find that, there'll be no time living it. so hello, it's me, i'm kat, and i'm suitabley incomplete.

most importantly, i'm back. so hi, hello, bonjour.

kat.

hey, soul sister.

you know the song. :)

wow. so it appears no one blogs anymore! whatever shall we do? i know, blog? :D
okay so. woah. what isn't there to talk about. i don't think i've ever been so desperate to get out and go somewhere. everything here is eating me alive. i just want to leave. i swear, i'm not going to last these last few months of school without going crazy. it's tedious and HORRIBLE.
the only travelling i do experience seems to be on the train home. home being the annoying word. coz that's where i'll end up. you travel for half an hour, and yous ee the country, and just as you think you're gonna get somewhere you have to get off because it's your stop. then you're driven back home, where everything starts again in just a matter of hours.
i've been tempted just to stay on the trian. to keep going. buy a ticket somewhere. anywhere. never happens. the guts are there, but the willpower isn't.

basically, life is tedious. i'm fed up, and i feel so unconfident lately. but who cares? if you're you, then everythings okay. :)

lots of love,

kat.